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Sunday, September 12, 2010

Where the HECK...

...Have I BEEN??

Here I am again, writing a blog entry explaining just where the heck I've been. Sadly to say, this time some pretty major things happened with the family.

August turned out to be one of the most busy and stressful months of my existence. It started out okay. I had three weeks before school started so I figured hmmm, I'll take these last three weeks and just write the hell outta my book. I'll sit by the pool with my cousins. I'll take long naps after work and just do what I wanna do, when I wanna do it.

Hah! That's exactly what life said to me. IN YOUR DREAMS!!!

My grandmother (who I lived next door to for a couple of years) had been a 5 year patient with COPD. Sadly, she lost that battle on August 27, 2010. She had been going downhill since April of 2009, when her husband of 51 years and my grandfather passed away. Her health really took a turn on August 17th when she asked to go to the hospital (which NEVER happens) so we knew something was definitely wrong.

Everyday after work I'd go up to the hospital and see her and my aunt until later at night when I forced myself to leave to get some form of rest before work the next morning. I was glad when the doctors said she could go home, even though that didn't necessarily mean she was "ok." They suggested Hospice to us and we looked into it and finally decided that was probably best. For the next few days at home, she seemed to be doing just fine. She was coherent, talkative, HUNGRY (which was new), and in somewhat good spirits. Things seemed to be getting back to as normal as they could have been.

And then randomly, about three days after she had been home, I come home and see that she is no longer conscious and alert. Her breathing was much more shallow and she just seemed to be gone, aside from her breathing and heart beat. Her health turned that quickly. The hospice nurse gave us a book to read, "Gone from My Sight" that laid out the stages of death. She informed us that we were in the "hours to days" stage with Mema.

She lingered about four days in that stage. We weren't sure what she was waiting on. I missed several days of work and finally decided it was probably best to go back. Nothing was changing and we honestly didn't know when the day would come that she would be reunited back with Pepa and Jesus. Friday morning, about 8:30, I got a call at work from my father letting me know she was gone. When the phone rang I just KNEW that it was a call about her.

Of course, we all knew her death was coming, but regardless of how well prepared we seemed to be, it still hurt so badly. That entire weekend is a blur to me, and thanks to my family coming together, we coped with it pretty well. That Monday after the funeral when everyone left is when it hit me the hardest.

My routine took an abrupt change. Every night I'd go next door and have supper with her. Now that is no longer the case. There is a huge gaping hole in my life where Mema once was. Now I'm going to have to find a way to fill that void before it drives me completely insane. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that she is up in heaven with Pepa, doing what she wants. Thinking about that as well as the wonderful memories made with them, it helps, but it's going to take me awhile to get over not seeing her everyday.

I'm also starting a new job tomorrow. It's a whole new schedule and I'll more than likely not be home much. I have class as well, so keeping myself busy is the only way I can think to help myself right now. It's those idle moments at home alone where I allow my mind to think too much about things. When I let my mind run wild, it can become dangerous.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

My Book Is Published!

My book went live on Amazon tonight! Here is the link if anyone would like to sample it out or even buy it! It's only $2.99!

http://www.amazon.com/Modern-Day-Drifter-ebook/dp/B003WJRHI4/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1279677417&sr=8-4

I would say more, but right now I'm dead where I sit! Everyone have a great evening! Thanks in advance to those who check it out! :)

Monday, July 19, 2010

Hello....hello....hello....

Long time no see, fellow bloggers!

My sister's wedding is now over and done with, and might I say, it was very classy and well done! On a side note, I'm glad it was a success and in the past! That's pretty much why I've been MIA for awhile. Jeez (looks at last blog update) JUNE?? Where does the time go? And to think, I have a little over a month left of freedom before school starts again! (deep sigh)

But hey, I got a huge goal accomplished tonight! I published my book, Modern Day Drifter, that has been sitting around collecting dust for months. I published it as an E-Book, meaning that you can download it onto your kindle, e-reader, computer, cell phone, whatever you got, as long as you have the kindle app, which is FREE, I might add!

My book is in review stage right now on amazon.com, but once it becomes live I will post a link for everyone who is interested! I'm going to sell it for $2.99. Ah, the joys of E-publishing... things are so cheap!!

I hope everyone is doing well! I hope to hear from ya soon and let me know how you are!! :)

Here is the cover of my book that will soon be available for purchase on Amazon.com and possibly a few other E-book sites...

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Soundtrack To Your Life

I've been browsing through a lot of music recently and got to thinking about soundtracks to movies/TV. It brought up a question.... What would be the soundtrack to your life? What songs would be included that can sum up past events as well as things in the present?

It's so hard to just think up a few songs, especially one specific one that could include everything. A few that come to mind instantly are:

1. The Dance - Garth Brooks
2. The Outsiders - Needtobreathe
3. Battlefield - Jordin Sparks
4. Life Ain't Always Beautiful - Gary Allan
5. Someday - Pete Yorn
6. Let It Be - Beatles
7. High Cotton - Alabama
8. Devil Town - Tony Lucca
9. Modern Day Drifter - Dierks Bentley
10. Respect the Wind - Van Halen
11. That Girl is a Cowboy - Garth Brooks
12. She's Like Texas - Josh Abbott Band


Those are just a few I can think up at the moment. If I kept at this, I'd have a crazy list of songs that went on and on. These songs I have just found myself able to relate to. A lot mark chapters in my life that have passed or I am currently enduring. I think everyone can relate to the song, "The Dance".

So I ask, what do you think would be the soundtrack to your life?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Someone For Everyone

Do y'all think there is someone out there for everyone? Is it true that there is that one special person for each of us?

....I used to think so.

Without being too negative, I have my doubts now. I have heard several people I work with talking about this very subject. One girl was saying how she believes we all have a soul mate. All I could think was, easy for her to say. She's married. She's done with the search. Then she went on to say how her mom told her that it's likely that many people don't. Many people are designed to be alone forever. The law and physics of the earth don't measure up to every single person having a match up. After all, statistically, there are more women on the earth than men.

As a Christian woman, I need to keep the faith that God has a plan that HE knows will work for me. HE knows what's right for me, even if I feel it's wrong. If his plan for me is to never get married and have a family, who am I to judge it? It just hurts. I want to be a wife and mother over anything else. To hell with the college degree. To hell with people saying "I sure am jealous of your freedom." or "You're smart for not being married." "Good job in staying single." "You don't need man drama like everyone else." Who are those people to say that to me? It is a painful sting.

Dating is scary. In fact, dating has changed so much. All of the men I talk to don't want things labeled as a "relationship." They don't want commitment. They want the benefits in a relationship without being tied down. Let's just say, I've "dated" a long line of men who were worthless and a complete waste of my time. I've been cheated on, lied to, this that and the other... so my trust issue isn't good right now either.

They say that love finds you at the most random time when you aren't even expecting it. We'll see.

Sorry for the rant, it's just something that's been bugging me.

Friday, May 28, 2010

One of Many...

So, if you don't already know this about me, one of my many passions is the TV show Friday Night Lights. I have been watching the show since its first season, and follow it religiously to this day. It is currently in the process of filming it's 5th season! Sadly, it'll probably be its last, but hey, critics weren't giving it a chance after the first season. Better to end on a high note than get cancelled. :) Not only do I watch, but am also a background extra. :) It's been a great experience taking part in a show from that aspect.

Anyway, for my blog tonight, I'm going to post up a couple of videos for those who would like to have a small preview about it. The first video is one that I made and compiled yesterday.




The second video was made by a good friend of mine, and fellow blogger, http://mmcdonald64.blogspot.com/. It shows the beginnings of a problem with Coach Taylor and how it escalates into a fight with his wife, later to be resolved like they always do.



The acting is dynamic and the storylines aren't just about football. They are about life, love, and everything in between. Even non-football fans would appreciate it! :)

Monday, May 24, 2010

Some Things You Might Not Know....

I was reading a magazine today with a top 20 list of things people might not know about the featured actor/actress. It gave me an idea to post a few things that are random or unknown about me.....

1. I started writing stories around age 8. It was Fanfiction for the TV show, Homicide: Life On The Street. I haven't stopped since.

2. I almost constantly have music going, except when I'm sleeping.

3. I have to have it completely quiet to sleep.

4. I have to have it completely dark to sleep.

5. I have been on the set of two TV shows, Third Watch in New York and Friday Night Lights in Austin.

6. I have met a handful of actors, including an actor I have followed and admired since the early 1990's.... That one of course being Kyle Chandler. The others are Ethan Hawke, Josh Stewart, Bobby Cannavale, Skipp Sudduth, and Coby Bell. The last four were on the show Third Watch, not to mention most of the actors on FNL as well. I also know the Executive Producer of Third Watch. He is currently the producer of Criminal Minds. His name is Edward Allen Bernero.

7. I am an amateur storm chaser and want to keep it a hobby, rather than a job.

8. I have been to New York 4 times, Los Angeles once, and Chicago once. New York wins, hands down, but Chicago is a close second.

9. I will never live anywhere other than Texas.

10. I am a die hard Texas Rangers fan.

11. Baseball is the only pro sport I enjoy.

12. My favorite baseball player is Josh Hamilton.

13. My favorite collegiate team is the Texas Tech Red Raiders.

14. I have changed my major three times.

15. I have 7 piercings in my ears.

16. My first funeral was at the age of 23.

17. I am an adrenaline junkie. I will ride pretty much any roller coaster out there.

18. I feel guilty if I take too much leisurely time for myself.

19. My family comes first before ANYTHING...and I mean anything. I don't even take phone calls when I'm around my family.

20. I don't like talking on the phone.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

The More Things Change...



...The More They Stay The Same...

This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions. As I have blogged many times before, it was finals week. That was tough in itself, but it is now over and I'm done with South Plains College.

In the midst of the fun and happiness, there was also some sadness too. A cousin of mine passed away on Wednesday. He had been in the hospital for a little over the month with pneumonia. When he was younger he was a miracle baby. He was born with heart problems and overcame that. He was 32 with a three year old son. The funeral was Friday, the day of graduation so as I said, lots of roller coaster emotions going on that day.

Friday evening we had a graduation party with my parents, my sister and her boyfriend's family. It was very nice and I am blessed to have such great people in my life. :) Barbecue and cake -- you know I'm gonna love that! :)

When I got home I passed out and slept extremely late. I could have slept longer but I forced myself to get up. This weekend is just going to be a time to relax and catch up on rest. Still, for some reason, two days off just doesn't seem like enough time to recover from 5 days of chaos!

Everyone have a great Sunday!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Respect the Wind


Today is the 40 year anniversary of the F5 tornado that hit downtown Lubbock, TX. May 11, 1970. My mom was just nine years old. Her neighborhood was flattened by the massive cyclone that ripped through the heart of the city. Lubbock also has the tallest sky scraper to survive an F5 tornado. Sadly, it was a night storm and there are no known photographs of the monster that barreled through the Hub City. In honor of the anniversary, I decided to blog about storms and weather today. Most of the pictures I'm including are ones that I have taken personally of storm chases I have been on. Some are by friends. The picture to the left is a perfect diagram of the layout of a tornadic supercell. Note in the front the rain wall, followed by the white of the hail shaft. Ever hear that quote, "calm before the storm?" See the gap after the hail shaft? That's when everything gets quiet and still, right before the tornado hits. In this particular picture, the tornado isn't fully developed, and is just a funnel. Still not to be taken lightly.

The picture above is called a "scud cloud." This is also tornadic. It's the storm's attempt to suck in all moisture as it begins it's rotation, right before a funnel is formed.


This is a more pronounced scud cloud with a rain band in front of it.


This picture shows the rotation as the wall cloud is trying to brew up a funnel. If you look closely you can see dirt being sucked up from the field. This is the wall cloud's attempt to suck in as much moisture from the east and dry air from the west to gain strength. Or as Dusty in Twister calls it.... "The suck zone." There was a time during this particular storm where it literally felt like the camera was going to be ripped from my hands. That was a sign to move on up the road out of the path.


This is a tornado that hit Tulia, TX on April 21, 2007. Tulia is about an hour north of Lubbock.


Storm season is probably my favorite time of the year. Right now, in 2010, we haven't had an official severe outbreak here in Texas. We've had several lines of storms with the potential. With El Nino still in place, the only thing we're going to get is rain. Supposedly it is burning off though, and we're slated to have a late storm season at the end of May and beginning of June. We might not have much of one this season. Oklahoma and Kansas had a high risk day yesterday. The last storm report I checked, there were 25 confirmed tornadoes across Central Oklahoma and Southern Kansas. One tornado hit North Oklahoma City during rush hour.

The farthest chase I've been on was up into Kansas. We went as far north as I-70 and it was well worth the sleep deprivation we endured. It was a moderate risk day which isn't a guarantee we'd see something, but the chances were greater than not. It is a fun adrenaline rush and a great experience, but I would never chase if I didn't know what I was doing. I'm also not a fan of night chases. I've studied extensively and I chase with a friend who knows more about the weather than I do. He's a Geo-sciences major and soon to be meteorologist.

Respect the wind -- It can be cruel!


This is a good video full of nice storm footage. Not done by me.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Go All The Way

First off, big shout out to all the beautiful Mama's out there! I hope you all had a great day!

It's been a busy couple of days on the home front, big shocker there right? This time, it's filled with stuff I've actually wanted to do. (Mostly) Thankfully, I got two finals knocked out of the way on Thursday. That leaves four more to go. (wipes brow) Two of them won't be so bad. I've got one at 8AM on Tuesday. It's my basketball/volleyball class and will literally only take me around 10 minutes to do. After that, I'm done for the day and am free to do what I want. On Thursday I have one at 9AM that should take me only slightly longer to complete. It's my track class. It is a bit more challenging... the teacher asks very specific questions, but shouldn't be too bad. The other two are online and have to be completed by Wednesday. I'm not too worried about them either.

In the voice of Kyle Chandler aka Coach Taylor....

"Right here, right now, God has placed you to do what you do best. Go all the way."

It's my last finals week at South Plains College...FOREVER!!! No more 30 minute drives to Levelland. Graduation is on Friday.

Mother's day was a big success as well. We had family come over to my Mema's house. As always, there was a wide variety of food. Pork, beef roast, and fried chicken. Let's just say I'm feeling like a tick that's about ready to pop. It was really nice for all of us to get together again and hang out. I'm truly blessed to have such a wonderful family. They always come first! :)

Tomorrow it's back down to business. One more week of school and it's time for a much needed break and back to working full time. I need those full paychecks again!

Hope everyone's week goes smoothly!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I Hear That Voice In My Head....

...Say Here We Go Again!

Never a dull moment. NEVER! I just want one week where something doesn't happen. NOTHING. I just want to go to work and come home and have some IDLE afternoons. Is that too much to ask for? I guess in reality, if that happened, I would be extremely bored and be complaining about that. Just like a human, we're never satisfied.

Until yesterday, I was without internet since Friday. You have no idea how much your life changes when your modem dies on you. Especially when the internet people give you the runaround and talk down to you like you're some moron who doesn't know anything. "It's an area wide crash." Sure it is, when my aunt across the street is sending me facebook updates at that very second on my phone. SURE!!!

I got it fixed yesterday. It was my modem. Thankfully the service guy was very friendly and prompt, which was very good. Minutes before he arrived I got a call from my dad saying my mom was in the hospital. I was in a rush to get to Brownfield to see her and honestly, didn’t want to wait around. The bad part of it all was, I had been waiting since Friday to get a guy out here and this would probably be my last chance for another week. Not good for a college kid who has some internet classes. So like I said, good thing he was prompt.

I went to Brownfield yesterday evening and stayed with my mom in the hospital. Her blood pressure was out of control, as well as her heart rate so the doctor wanted to admit her and run tests. She got discharged this morning, thank the LORD! They put her on a new medication to help. Thanks to everyone who sent out prayers, it’s greatly appreciated.

I was supposed to have a final today at 11:00. I studied all night while in the hospital. Got the info down pat. Showed up for the test and the instructor DIDN’T! It got canceled ‘til next Tuesday during the original finals date. I was LIVID! So livid that I skipped the other class, (who has the same professor). I figured they wouldn’t show for that one either, and didn’t wanna wait 2 hours just to sign in on the roll sheet and go home. I had a mom at home who could’ve used my help moreso, so I trekked back to her house.

I cleaned the house for her and let her sleep. She’s feeling better and is able to go back to work tomorrow. I’m thankful everything turned out okay. God is great.

….I think He gives me a busy life because that’s the type of person I am. I can’t just sit around – I go crazy. As I said, never a dull moment!

I hope you all have a wonderful week ahead of you!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Walk of Defeat

Hello fellow bloggers! I am currently writing to say that I have officially resigned from the A - Z challenge. I made it to P -- Honestly, I didn't think I'd get that far. I'm truly sorry that I can't finish. I had a lot of stuff come up this past week... Between going out of town, filming for FNL, and the Red Carpet Premiere for FNL, I seriously got behind. Oh, to put a cherry on top of that, my laptop crashed last night and I stayed up half the night restoring it. FUN FUN!

And to top off those excuses, finals are coming up soon too. GRADUATION IN 2 AND A HALF WEEKS!!! WOOHOOOO!!!

I will still keep track of YOUR A - Z posts, however, and leave comments. I'm so sorry I committed to it and am now quitting. (Hangs head in shame)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

A Wonderful Night!!!

I went to Austin to film a football game for Friday Night Lights. In one word, I can sum up the entire evening... AMAZING!!!! Our call time was 5:30 so we left San Antonio around 3:30 to dodge rush hour traffic. We got to set about 30 minutes early. We had a major chance of some severe weather and I had my phone doppler working in overtime. The air was sticky and muggy so it was evident that the dryline was setting up to the west. I love that feeling, but was concerned about the storms turning tornadic and us not having a place to take cover....

After signing in and taking care of all that stuff, we ate some dinner and waited at base camp to be called to the stadium. Everyone was in good moods. It wasn't a huge shoot so it was a lot more relaxed than a lot of other shoots I have been on.

We got called to the East Dillon stadium, a first for me. Talk about a very huge transition from West Dillon to East Dillon. That stadium...just wow.

Between setups on films, there was times we were just hanging out. Loriann and I walked below the bleachers... There was Kyle with his daughter and his dog. I knew that was probably our chance to get to talk to him. I wanted to at least one more time in case this was my last time to film. Kyle saw us and came over. He hugged Loriann and they talked about her surgery coming up. I chickend out and only shook his hand, but that's okay because I was there with him. I told him that we had met before, I was Jessie from Lubbock. He smiled and said it was good to see me again. I informed him that this too, was probably my last time to be on set. He asked why. I told him I was going to school. He flashed me a sly smile and asked "Where?" Almost like he knew, being that I was from Lubbock and all. I told him Tech and he approved. So I got a stamp of approval from Kyle to go to Tech. :-P His daughter was adorable too. She asked me if I had to go to school on Saturday's and when I told her yes, her eyes got huge and she just could not believe it. We also petted his dog and it was soaking up a lot of attention too.

We told him goodbye and he said, "Maybe we can come back for 13 more for you guys." I think he was meaning 13 more seasons. That would be cool in some ways. :) We went back up in the stands and I had one eye on filming and one eye on the sky. The storms weren't forming yet, but I knew they would.

Connie Britton (Tami Taylor), Brad Leland (Buddy Garrity), and the woman who plays Mindy Riggins got seated in the stands. We got moved down the row to sit right below them. We chatted with Connie and Brad. Connie was commenting on the weather and we showed her the doppler on my phone a few times. She was geniunely concerned for all of us extra's getting wet. When they wrapped them, she even told us bye and hoped we'd be okay. Brad thanked all of us as well. They were so kind.

After doing more filming, the storms were getting closer. The wind shifted west and feeded into it. It also got cooler. Then, the wind randomly picked up and they sent all of us to a hotel near set. We had to sit down in an area and wait. They fed us Subway and we just chilled for awhile. I checked over the dopplers and it was just too unpredictable to tell what was going to happen. They then sent us out on the field again. As we were walking back, a huge cluster of lightning lit up the sky. I was like, seriously? We can't film on an open field with metal and electrical equipment around us. No sooner than I thought that, Jacob and Tony, the PA's, said we were wrapped for the night.

If this was my last filming, I can say that I'm leaving satisfied. I got to talk to Kyle one last time and tell him my goodbyes. Filming was relaxed and fun and I got to see some friends I have made on set. What a great time. I'm truly blessed! :)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

To Be Continued!!!

Hey everyone, not really a blog here. Just wanted to say that I'm leaving for San Antonio in the morning and will have limited internet access. I will start back up on the A - Z challenge when I get back. I should be back on Sunday. Also, I will return any comments and things then as well. I'm not neglecting you guys! Have a wonderful weekend! :)

Monday, April 19, 2010

P -- Premiere

Okay, not a long blog for P since I'm really chasing my tail to get stuff done before I go out of town. Of course, I couldn't neglect my blog... I'm trying to stay on task until my usual lag at the end of the week! :-P That being said, if I have not returned one of your comments, trust me, I certainly will! I promise! :) Hey, there's a P word right there. :)

This weekend I am travelling to the great city of San Antonio, Texas to attend a Friday Night Lights season four premiere. We are all meeting at a hotel lounge to watch the first two episodes of season four together. I’m pretty excited about it. There will be some stars from the show in attendance. It’s going to be great to hang out with other extras from the show as well as fans.

Hopefully I will have more to report on with this when I get back.

I also got booked to be at a football game on Friday night. Looks like it is going to be a busy weekend filled with FNL events. I’m just glad to get out of town for a few days.

O -- Owies

This is going to be a complete and total random blog about “OUCH!” It’s interesting to think about pain tolerance and how each individual handles pain in different ways. Thankfully, I think I have some strong pain tolerance.

Needles don’t bother me. I’m usually the one watching the needle go into my arm. I do have to admit that I had an IV a few years back that did hurt, but come to find out, the nurse missed my vein so all of the medication was being saturated into my skin. My hand was swollen as big as Mickey Mouse’s. It was crazy to see the contrast between my hands.

One thing I haven’t experienced yet is child birth. I hope I’m half the woman my mom was with us. She had all three of us naturally with no drugs at all. Dang, that’s tough.

As I said, needles don’t bother me. While I won’t pierce anything other than my ears, I do have several piercings in them. I have two in each lobe, one in my right tragus and two in my left cartilage. I have to admit, nothing hurt worse than the cartilage being pierced. The cleaning was the most painful.

Also, while we are on the subject of “ouch”, how many like to put their characters they write about through physical torture, heck, and even mental torture? (Of course we do, otherwise there wouldn’t be much to write about.) I’m almost scared to admit this (please don’t think I’m a sadist or something), but I love to read about a character, usually a male, getting hurt. Even on TV. Seeing the main character have something happen to them is great. Of course, nothing that will kill them.

I’m not crazy, I swear! I have several friends I write with who agree with me on this. Physical torture and mental torture sell. In TV, in movies, in fiction. I guess it’s just the thought of the character enduring such tribulations that makes us want to read on to make sure that they’ll get the care they need. Maybe that’s just how women are. We have that nurturing instinct where we just want to help. I’m not sure, and honestly, I can’t believe I’ve admitted this on my blog.

As I said, I swear I’m not crazy!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

N -- New York

Yay for Sundays! It gives me time to catch up on the past few days of missing blogs! I do soooo good during the first part of the week on keeping up and then it just escalates by the end of the week! haha! This week will be no different. I'm going out of town on Thursday to San Antonio and highly doubt I'll have much time to blog while I'm there. We'll see! :)

On to N.

I love New York. I've have been blessed to go to this city three times. I'm going to be like a lot of country-folk and say that while I love to visit and do the tourist type things, I don't think I could ever live there. I love to see the sky. The high rise buildings are miraculous to see, but I need my horizon. The picture to the left is of me (in the middle) along with my two buddies.




Me on the Empire State Building


The Statue of Liberty is beautiful. The Empire State Building is breath taking. Even the musty scent of the subways is something that is etched in my memory. Ground Zero is sad. I haven't been there since most of the construction has begun, but I did see it after 9/11. I paid my respects to all of the victims.


Me at Battery Park in the Financial District.



Cody and I at the Statue of Liberty


New York has so much culture. I was fortunate enough to get on the set of a past show on NBC called "Third Watch." It was a show about cops, firefighters, and paramedics. I got to meet some of the cast and we spent the day on set. We even got to eat lunch with them. We were treated as VIP's. They had a street blocked off and they had to detour pedestrians around. They opened up the gates to us as if we were getting into an exclusive club. Yeah, it really felt that way. I'll never forget it. It was a long and tiring day, but I'd do it again in a heart beat. :)


Josh Stewart (Officer Finney) and I.


Skipp Sudduth (Officer Sullivan) and us. He was directing the episode being filmed.


On set. They even let us wear the headphones to hear all the directors talk to the actors between takes!


It is also the setting of my current story that is in the works. I have only been there three times, but I have sort of learned the streets of some of the boroughs, Hell's Kitchen being the main one. There was a time we were all on the subway and this couple seemed lost. We asked where they were trying to get. I told them directions and it was enough to convince them that I was from there. Yeah, sure. If you could hear me talk, my Texas accent would be a dead giveaway that I'm not a native New Yorker. Oh well, I was glad to help them out. I know how it felt to be there for the first time. It can get overwhelming.

If you haven't been to New York and get the chance to go, do it! Every person has to say they've been there at least once. It's been a couple of years since I've gotten to go, and it'll probably be a few more before I can go again. But that's okay. I know I'll eventually get there again... That pesky thing called "bills" have to be taken care of first! :-P

Saturday, April 17, 2010

M -- Michael

So you ask, who in the world is Michael? He is the MC for my current novel that I'm working on. Honestly, I couldn't think of an M to blog about, so here ya go. I'm not going to go into full detail about him because I'm still working out the kinks on his personality and what not.

Michael McGinnis is a firefighter with the Fire Department of New York, or as it is also known, as the FDNY. He has a younger brother who has problems, to put it mildly. Michael is going to endure some things with his job, his relationship, and his family. And no, not typical drama. There's going to be turmoil with his brother's bookie, drug use, the whole nine yards.

It's going to be romance based but have drama and suspense mixed in. I've already gotten about 20,000 words written out on it. I'm still working out some plot kinks in it. Hopefully it will all begin to fall into place within the next few weeks. School will be over soon! :) I can devote more time to it, hopefully!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

L -- Love

"We are young. Heartache to heartache we stand... No promises no demands... Love is a battlefield." ~ Pat Benatar

I wasn't sure if I should post about love since in reality, I've never truly been "in love" with anyone. Honestly, I don't even know what it feels like to be in love. Times in the past, I thought I was in love, but it was all premature and false.

A girl I work with was talking about something she learned in a class. We are all raised believing that God puts one person on this earth for everyone. Our soul mate. In the class they talked about how in reality, some people never find that one person. If you look at the population, there's like 7 times more women on the planet than men. Anyone can see that the numbers just don't work out. Philosophically, we should all believe that there is "the one" out there somewhere and we will eventually find them. Do you believe that?

I'm not sure what I believe anymore. I've been scorned by men I thought I loved. Most of the people in my family were married by age 20. I'm an extreme exception. I'll be 25 next week and haven't even really had a serious relationship. I "dated" a guy in high school for around 2 years, but that's the closest I got to any kind of length. Most guys I talk to don't want anything serious. They want all of the benefits of a relationship without being officially "in a relationship." It never fails.

They say love finds you at the most random time... on some idle Tuesday while you are out grocery shopping, or when you aren't even looking for it. I believe that one day I will find the one I love. I've got faith in that.

Love is just so complex, yet so simple at the same time.

Love comes in may forms. Love for your parents and family is felt from the moment you're born. Love of a pet. Love of friends. Love of some object. Love for our Lord and Savior. Love of food. I could go on and on about things humans can "love."

I can't wait to feel the love of a man. I can't wait to feel the way it is to love a man in return. It's a beautiful thing. It's a complex thing. It's something that makes many people look forward to the future. :)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

K -- Karma

Karma. Is it a real thing or not?

While I'm not sure its karma that happens, I do believe that we get payback for things we do. Sometimes it's instant, sometimes it can take awhile. This can work in both ways as well. I'm sure most of us have heard of "pay it forward." If you are handed a good deed, the best thing to do is pass a good deed onto the next person you come into contact with. I'm a firm believer that in due time, you will be rewarded.

Then there's the negative side. What goes around comes around. I think we all find comfort in that when someone has done something horrible to us. With me, it's mainly been relationships with guys. I've been cheated on. For anyone who has gone through that, you know exactly how much it HURTS! Before I go any further, let me make this clear. I don't wish anything bad to happen to anyone. That's not right. But in the midst of a break up, it gets you thinking about karma. Are they eventually going to date a girl that will do the same thing to them? I guess I'll never know.

I've been a victim of karma... recently it was instant. In my basketball class we were playing knockout. My competitor's ball landed near me so I swatted it away to try and score a point before she could. A few minutes later... my ball bricks off of the rim all the way across the gym. Yep, it was minor but it happened. LOL

What are your thoughts on karma?

Monday, April 12, 2010

J -- Josh Hamilton

Yay, this will get me all caught up for the A - Z challenge! :)

It's no surprise that I like Josh Hamilton, current center fielder for the Texas Rangers.

Not only is he an amazing athlete, he is a great person as well. If you know baseball you pretty much have an idea about Josh Hamilton and what he is all about. As a kid he was a baseball prodigy. He played little league and got moved up to the big leagues at a very young age. He went straight from high school to the pro's.

What some might not know is the trouble Josh has endured in his past. He got drafted by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. After time in the minors and guidance from his parents, he was finally cut loose from their guidance. He discovered cocaine and became an addict.

Most people eventually gave up on Josh Hamilton, former baseball star. He slowly sank down to nothing, losing his career and family. His grandma and God were his saving grace. He eventually pulled through. After drug rehab and prayer, he is now clean. He still goes to meetings. He speaks at different events and is open about what he has gone through. He has even wrote a book titled "Beyond Belief." I read it in three days.

He is admirable because he isn't ashamed of it. He knows he has to pass on his stories to those who also need help. He is living proof that it is possible to get sober and stay sober. Whether you are an amazing athlete or an everyday average person, getting clean and staying clean is important. The book is an inspiration to everyone, not just addicts. He talks about how no one should give up hope in any situation, drugs or not. There is always a way out of everything.

Back at the beginning of 2009 he had an alcohol relapse, but revealed it to everyone, even his wife. People shunned him, but what most don't understand is that relapse is important in an addicts recovery. They are going to happen. The good news is, his relapse didn't include cocaine and crack. While alcohol can be just as bad, at least he still resisted the other stuff.

I have utmost respect for him. He is my athletic inspiration. :)

A quote he lives by rings true for each of us.

"Resist the devil and he will flee from you." ~ James 4:7

I -- Ignorance

ig·no·rance (ĭg'nər-əns)
n. The condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed.

It was hard for me to find a topic for I. Ignorance. Ah, ain't that word the greatest? I'm sure each and every one of us come into contact with someone who is ignorant. Today at work I endured it and got the brunt of some serious attitude as well. I shouldn't bring work home with me, but dang, I got reamed by an employee that is lower on the totem pole than me for absolutely no reason.

I was the messenger in a situation. This girl gave me attitude over a situation I had no control over. I was just doing my job. She has this complex with me and another worker. Since she is currently a student at the University here (Texas Tech) and I'm a student at the community college, she things she is so much better than me for that reason. So in her eyes, I'm the ignorant one.

Fun times working with immature little girls. I guess it's what I get to work at a job where I'm considered an older person.

Ignorance. That's putting it lightly for some people.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

H - Heaven

"Dont cry a tear for me now baby. There comes a time we must all say goodbye... And if that's what heaven's made of, you know i ain't afraid to die." ~ Andy Griggs

If you have time, please take a moment to listen to this song before reading my blog. It's one of the one's played in my Pepa's tribute and is very touching. Thanks.


Since today is the one year anniversary of my Pepa's passing, I figured for H, heaven would be perfect to blog about.

Today wasn't hard to begin with. We had family in town so we all gathered at my Mema's house and just hung out. Being around everyone was probably the best thing any of us could do. While we were all somewhat grouchy with each other, it still got our mind's off of things.

It didn't really "bug" me until I got home for the evening. I made the mistake of listening to some of the songs played at his Rosary and funeral. It never fails. Amazing Grace done with bagpipes just opens up the tear ducts. I also watched the tribute video that the funeral home made for us. Gosh, I miss that old man.

Pepa was such a fighter. Back in 1983 he was in a bad car wreck that left him paralyzed from the breast bone down. They didn't expect him to live. Usually someone with that caliber of injury doesn't live long. He made it twenty five years.

He was a man I thought would never die. He molded this family. Without him and my Mema, there's no telling where I would be right now. I also had great parents, but my father was also molded by Pepa, so his guidance has been passed down to us. He was strict but quick to forgive. He loved each and every one of us. Just looking at his pictures with us, it was apparent on his face how much he cared and loved every day of his life.

I lost two grandparents last year. I lost my grandmother on the other side of the family in January. She was so loving too. I miss her advice, her warm hugs, her sweet smile. I hadn't really experienced losing someone so close to me until 2009 when I lost two wonderful people within three months of each other.

I know they are both up in HEAVEN, smiling down at their beautiful families. Both of them are in me. Their pain is gone. They are free to do what they want, when they want to do it. Someday we will all be united again. Pepa is able to run free, broken away from his wheel chair and standing tall on his own two legs. Grandma is with her husband, going back to at time when they were happiest.

It has been a hard day. I know time will heal all wounds, but I will NEVER forget them. They were too strong of an influence to let the memories fade. I will share them with my kids so much that they too, will feel as if they knew them personally. They are with me every single day, through the bad times and the good.

Rest in Peace


Margaret Lorraine Barrett Triggs October 9, 1933 - January 21, 2009


Troy "Pepa" Junior Tate June 16, 1932 - April 11, 2009

G - Getting Behind

I'm waaaay behind on blogging for the A - Z challenge. I've had several mid terms going on this past week... so hopefully I can get back on schedule. Since Sunday is an idle day for it, I'll try to get back on track and catch up.

So, for my G, I decided to post about getting behind on things. I slacked so bad on homework last week that I got behind. I had to skip a class on Thursday to get a paper written and study for a test. Then, yesterday I had a 5K race I participated in. When I got home I was still energized so I decided to get some MUCH needed yard work done.

Today, hopefully I can relax with the satisfaction of knowing I got my stuff done. Tomorrow starts a new week. We'll see if I procrastinate as bad as I did last week. I hope not. I've got a SERIOUS case of "senioritis" going on.

On a side note, today is one year that my grandfather passed away. I truly miss him and think about him a lot. RIP Pepa, I love you!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

F -- Friday Night Lights

I have to blog about my favorite TV show, Friday Night Lights. I know this is a repeat of my good friend, Mary's blog, but since it's been a large part of my life, I have to do it as well. I have been blessed to be an extra on this show. It is filmed in Austin and I've taken the time to go down and film from time to time, of course, when I can get the time off to do so.

I have gotten to meet an actor I have been following for a very long time. Kyle Chandler has captured my interest since his days on the movie Pure Country with George Strait. That was back in 1993. Yeah, I've been a fan for that long, so you can bet how GREAT it felt to actually get to meet him.

I'm very blessed to actually get to work alongside a man that I have admired. To see him transform from Kyle to Coach Taylor in a matter of seconds is amazing. Not only is he great at acting, he is an awesome person. He's very friendly. I was nervous to meet him but when I finally did, it was like chatting with an old friend. He's really funny and open to everyone, not "celebrity" at all. That is so compelling.

Not only have I met Kyle, I have also had the opportunity for other cast members. Connie Britton, Taylor Kitsch, Minka Kelly, Aimee Teegarden, just to name a few.

It's a great show. Yes, this is a shameless plug, but hey, Friday Night Lights begins with F and well, today's letter is F. Of course I had to blog about this. The show isn't just about football. It's about life in general. The acting is exquisite. So much can be "said" with body language. The fictional marriage of Coach Taylor (Kyle Chandler) and Tami (Connie Britton) feels real. It's like they are married in real life. The storylines are real. Even life in Texas is real. It takes place in fictional Dillon, TX which is supposed to be located near where I really live, so I can safely say that they portray it very well.

So, next time you hear about Friday Night Lights, don't think it's just football. While that's a theme in the show, it's merely a sub plot in this dynamic show. It's a very great change of pace from the everyday lawyer and doctor shows that are all over the TV. It has survived through four seasons and filming for the fifth has begun. I'm hoping to get down there a few more times to film before it's over.

There is a screening on April 24th that I'm fortunate to get to go to, thanks to a great family who has welcomed me like I am one of their own. I cant thank them enough for allowing me to stay with them during filming and what not. They are great! I can't wait to watch FNL on the big screen, along with some of the cast members. That's going to be crazy to get to see their reactions to their own work!

Check out the show. It's going to air on NBC starting on May 7th. If you like good acting and good plots, you won't be disappointed. Not to mention, Kyle Chandler is oh so easy on the eyes. :)

Here is the link to Mary's blog, another great take on the show!

http://mmcdonald64.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

E -- Ego's

Egotistical is the PERFECT word for today. While I won't go into the details, let's just say tomorrow is going to be interesting when I come into contact with the ego's that are so big, it's going to be impossible to fit them all into one room.

Ego's. What human doesn't have one? I do admit, I have a self esteem problem. My confidence level is low...mainly because of myself and how I imply things. There is one thing, however, that I'm very egotistical about... and that is sports. I'm not gonna lie. I brag. I talk crap. I'm very arrogant. But I can't help it. We all have something we are good at and are confident in. With me, it's my athletic ability. I don't think I've found a sport I'm not good at. And I enjoy it. Writing is a close second, but I do have my confidence problems with that. The query escapade is largely to blame for that!

So, what do you have to be egotistical about? And don't say "nothing". We all have something we're confident in!

(I know, I know, confidence and ego's are different... but oh well.)

Monday, April 5, 2010

D for Drama

First off, I want to begin by saying sorry for not returning the favor on comments or reading any other blogs. It was a very busy Holiday weekend and I'm still getting back into my weekly routine! Give me time, I promise I'll get to everyone again! I'm sorry!

Now....

On to D.

D is for Drama. Ah, so many ways a person can define this word. Drama as in a type of theatrical performance. Drama, a class we take in high school and college. Drama, a genre of book/movie/TV show. Drama as in an overreaction to a situation. I think we can all relate to that last example of drama very well. As humans, we thrive on drama, whether we want to admit that or not. Sure, it can ruin a somewhat pleasant day, but it happens. Even the kids in my class have drama, and they are youngsters! It's in our blood.

As for the genre category, personally, I like it. Out of all of my movie collection, drama is probably the most common one among my DVD's. I also like dramatic TV. There's also that new word made up called "dramedy." That's great too, because it takes real life situations and turns them into laughs. I'm to the point where if I have something happen that doesn't go my way, all I can do is laugh. Seriously, what else can you do? At least laughing makes you feel a little better. I think that's why this "dramedy" word is such a hit nowadays. That emotional roller coaster is fun. Not exactly what I want to endure all the time, but hey, turning a negative into a positive is always something I'm up for.

Now, the drama of getting to those blogs I need to read and comment on! I'll get on that as soon as I can, I haven't forgotten y'all!!!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Controversy



As a writer, I've thought about plots that can be somewhat controversial. Many different subject matters can really raise red flags amongst certain types of groups. My question is, does controversy really sell?

Just take a look at the music industry. Big names like Eminem, Ludacris, most rap singers in general, are usually at the top of the charts or at least have been at one time. Their lyrics are explicit, their attitudes are harsh, and it has led them on the fast track to fame.

Does the same happen in the writing industry?

It's hard to say. Some agents don't mind the cuss words and lude conduct in manuscripts. Some do. I guess it's a hit and miss type thing. It also has a lot to do with the audience. What genre would it be appropriate for? New musicians are usually hammering it down for the younger crowd -- the kids who think it's cool to walk around with their pants down to their knees and to say the "f" word in ever sentence they speak.

But then again, if it's controversial, more and more people will be curious about it, even if they don't agree. Politics. Need I say more? Possibly the most controversial thing to discuss with anyone. But think about it. How many liberals listen in on the Rush Limbaugh show? They aren't doing it because they agree.... but they are curious to see what he has to say. How many conservatives still listen in on Obama when he has a presidential address?

In all honesty, I think America thrives on controversy. With all of the different cultures flying around out there, how can it be avoided? It's just an iffy way to hit up the writing market, but if done right, can really get an author that deal with a publisher. It's all how the subject matter is approached.

Friday, April 2, 2010

B for BASEBALL!!!







Spring time marks the start of baseball season, which I am a complete fan of! If it wasn't obvious enough, I'm a fan of the Texas Rangers. They have had their problems with team manager, Ron Washington, but I think that will make the tream stronger. Even if they have another not so great season, it'll still be fun. The peanuts, the cracker jacks, the kids with their gloves running around the ball park ready to catch that homerun hit into left field. The atmosphere is fantastic. It's almost like you are amongst thousands of people who are your best friends for nine innings. Even the obnoxious guy who has had one too many beers and can't control yelling obscenities to the umpire.

In the past, I have been fortunate enough to go to Camden Yards and Wrigley Field. Both are impressive, but I have to be biased and say that nothing beats Ranger Stadium.



I'm going to try hard to get down to Arlington for a few games this season. I want to see Josh Hamilton play before he goes to another team.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Fork in the Road

Aside from the A - Z challenge, some days I will have two blogs for the day. Today I made a major decision in regards to school and my future. I went ahead and decided to graduate THIS May rather than May of 2011. With this bold choice, it means my major is changing and my career path is different. Instead of obtaining an associate's of Physical Education through SPC, I will graduating with an associate's of General Arts. I'm pretty sick of SPC and their non - professionalism with how they've handled my file. My advisor has failed to mention important factors to me about my degree plan on more than one occasion. They fail to do their job, which is -advise.- Since I have all requirements to graduate with a general degree, I'm going to go ahead and do it and say bye to SPC and move on to get my Bachelor's in Addictive Studies.

My heart is still in coaching, but it is also in drug counseling too. Drug counseling is a more stable career. Coaching requires moving a lot. I want to be able to put roots down somewhere. As a coach, I'm sure I'll be moving all over Texas, which is okay for awhile, but what happens when I have a family? Moving from place to place isn't easy on anyone.

Later on down the road, if I feel the need to get into coaching, I'll still have all of these classes I have taken in the past and can finish that degree. We'll see how things go. I'm always leery of making decisions. Right now, my heart is with me 100 percent on what I've decided.

A -- Addiction

Today starts the first day of the writing challenge posted by a fellow blogger. A is on the agenda. Since my curiosity with drug addiction has been at its peak, I figured that would be a good thing to blog about for today.

Addiction is a disease that many people suffer from. Yes, a disease. It frustrates me when people say, "just quit." It ain't that easy. While I'm not an addict of anything like drugs, I still know how it works. It's an imbalance in the brain and the addict can't help it. It takes strong will power, and until the person is ready to help themselves, there's nothing anyone else can do. They can try to intervene, but the addict has to begin to have an open mind to allow the intervention to do its job.

The process of an addiction has stages. It's sad. While on the road to recovery, they will have setbacks and times when they will use again. It's necessary to get better.

Believe it or not, every person out there has some form of an addiction, even if they don't know it yet. It doesn't even have to be drugs. It can be chocolate, eating, reading, studying, obsessive cleaning, sodas, even exercise. I am an addict of exercise. Once I get going, I feel like I'm not doing enough and I keep on and on. It makes me feel so good. I'm glad that I found something that allows me to release the endorphins in my brain naturally, unlike so many others who rely on chemicals to do the job.

I could blog all day about it, but to avoid a freakishly long blog I will stop here. I can mark A off of the list for April!

Oh, and happy April Fool's day! While I'm not a fan of the day, everyone have fun with their pranks! :)

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Up For A Challenge

Starting tomorrow, I'm taking a challenge posted up by a fellow blogger. We are to blog everyday in the month of April except for Sundays...from A - Z. So, for example, tomorrow on April 1st I will blog about a topic that starts with A. On April 2nd, something with a B...etc, etc. It works out perfectly. April has 30 days...minus the four Sundays...so that comes to 26, which equals how many letters are in the alphabet. I'm sure you're saying..."THANK YOU, captain OBVIOUS!" Bite me! I'm sleepy and taking it easy on the blogging tonight since the challenge starts tomorrow! :-P

Here is the link to the blogger who is hosting the challenge:

http://tossingitout.blogspot.com/2010/03/blog-boggled-blogging-from-to-z-april.html

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Music is my Muse

So, before I start the main idea of this blog, I gotta talk about something totally off topic. Who ME? Talk about something beside the point? NOOO! Anyway, yesterday I was sick as a dog! I felt horrible all day long...left work early...came home and crashed and pretty much slept all afternoon and evening, well into the early morning hours. I had a random fever and felt all flu-like...no congestion or sore throat though. Woke up this morning a little groggy from all of the meds I doped myself up on, but other than that everything was GONE! Very strange indeed. I was well enough to complete my day of workouts.

Now...to what I really want to blog about.....

I have to say that I -love- music. In the car I'm listening to music. When I'm working out I listen to music. When I'm writing... when I'm browsing the internet...music is -always- going. My iPod has over 4,000 songs on it (I thought I had a lot until a coworker of mine informed me that she had 21,000 on her Zune. Do 21,000 songs exist??), and when I shuffle those songs...it's very random. Fast, upbeat rock songs, slow, depressing music, and of course, Country music being the most common genre. Shocker there, right? I even have a playlist for movie scores and instrumental pieces. That playlist comes in handy when I'm writing a very huge scene in my novel.

I am blessed to have parents who raised me with good music taste. I was brought up on 60's and 70's based rock n' roll. I thank them for such a broad spectrum of tunes that I have stored up in my head. Heck, I even have a few rap songs...not many..but a few. Sometimes they are good for getting pumped up.

What really gets me is people who only listen to ONE genre, and ONE genre only. Kind of like with most things in life -- How can you judge something before you try it? If the song has good rhythm and tasteful lyrics, what's the problem? A genre is just a label. I can understand if there's explicit lyrics how someone would get offended, but don't condemn the whole genre over some bad seeds! ;-) Those who do are missing out on the potential for some really awesome songs!

Another thing off topic, but take a look at this link of Kyle Chandler promoting a friend in the Pepsi Refresh Project...I have to say Mr. Chandler is looking all sorts of yummy.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=410372555086&ref=mf

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Power of People

Today has been quite a laid back Sunday. I had church this morning, bringing in the most holy week of my faith. The sermon was good, the words struck home as usual. The church was so packed that by the time everyone commenced inside, there was standing room only. Just beautiful.

This evening I watched a feature on Dateline. It was about a family where the mother was a cancer survivor and had three children, two who had cerebral palsy. She was a single mother, trying to make ends meet. People in the small town where they lived started realizing how hard the family had it, and they got together to begin a program called "Hometown Heroes." They brought together volunteers to help remodel this family's home and make it where it was easier for the two children to get around in t heir wheelchairs. While all of the other families were suffering money wise, they still held functions and fundraisers to raise over 150,000 dollars to get the proper materials needed to have this work. They even remodeled in one month's time, just in time for the family to have Thanksgiving dinner in their new home.

It was a tear jerker. I found myself getting teary eyed over just how amazing people can be when others are in need. Despite everyone else's money problems, they put it aside to help out a much needier family. This also made me strike up a question.

Why is it that some people can be so amazing and generous while others are the complete opposite?

We've got people in that town who worked hard for four weeks to get the remodeling done, not even looking for recognition. They just wanted to help out. Then we have people who are capable of murder, rape, child molestation, etc. It just shocks me how night and day the human race is. I guess that's how it is though. We're not all built the same way. Our mechanics are different. We're all raised up to be different people, all with our own personalities and habits. It's just something crazy I was thinking about.

We need more people like who were featured on Dateline tonight. It was an inspiration to see such generosity and kindness.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Query Quibbles

Last night I stayed up late and finished editing my first novel. (Deep sigh) I need a fresh pair of eyes to do a full read over of it. I've only read it about a million times, and to me, it's stale and boring. I'm seriously hoping that it is only because I know exactly what happens and I know the contents like the back of my hand. If I have a fresh pair of eyes who are willing to go in and read it like it is an "official" novel, maybe that opinion will be different.

With the finished editing comes the time to start submitting query letters to agents. (double deep sigh) Writing a query letter is HARD. After I finished my edits I attempted my first draft for my letter. It took me over an hour to get around 250 words written. And today I re-edited the whole thing to something totally different. Writing is a forever changing process, especially for a girl who changes her mind about six thousand times a day.

I did a search of several different agents on a few literary agent sites this evening. I composed the ones that seemed to fit the criteria of my book in a list. This is probably one of the most nerve racking things I have ever done in my entire life. It's a catch 22. I spent well over a year preparing this manuscript. I've edited, re edited, rewrote, snipped, tore apart, screamed at, you name it to get it ready. In all of that mixed emotion, I had a lot of fun. Here's the catch -- An author spends all of that time polishing their work and then the agent search begins. Why is it that I'm shying away and putting it on the back burner after all of that hard work?

Could it be the fear of rejection? Yes. In the book, Chicken Soup for the Writer's Soul, it mentions that getting an agent is a long line of rejections followed by one shining moment when you finally get the acceptance letter. The hard part is if you have a strong enough backbone in between rejection letters. I'm scared that I don't have thick enough skin to take it. I'm definitely going to find out. If I give up now, before even trying, that year of writing, while was fun for me, is for nothing.

Another fear is that my manuscript won't peak an agent's attention, and I'll be forced to put it in a drawer, never allowing it to see the light of day again. Since it is my first manuscript, the chances of that happening are immense. We all have to start somewhere, though.

I'm not going to submit anything tonight. Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to sit down and take another long look over the list I composed of probable agents to submit to. Ready or not, I've gotta give it a try!

Friday, March 26, 2010

To Sleep...Perchance To Dream

In the past I've told myself to start documenting my dreams. I am fascinated by hidden meanings in them and the dream cycle as a whole. I have always been a vivid dreamer. It is very seldom that I don't remember at least some of a dream I had the previous night. Believe it or not, I've even had dreams that somewhat come true, or something very close to it has happened. Now before you go off thinking I'm crazy, I don't think I'm psychic in the least bit. I just think that a lot of times, dreams are our sub-conscience screaming at us. It all depends on how much attention we give it.

Last night I had a horrible dream. I dreamed that my sister's maid of honor had died. There was no explanation in the dream of what had happened, just that she was no longer with us. It was devastating. I even remember walking into the morgue and seeing her body out on the table -- It was that vivid. She is a mom of twin girls and all I could think was "those poor little girls." My sister, of course, was devastated too. To top it off, later in the dream, a girl that I work with passed away as well. Again, the reason why was never revealed. The whole essence of the dream was dark and dreary, almost as if there was a haze over everything. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well. I kept waking up, tossing and turning, and looking at the clock. I got up exhausted and sad, like they really had died. Funny how dreams stick with you, especially ones of that caliber.

I even debated telling anyone about the dreams. How would you feel if someone walked up to you and said, "Hey, I had a dream that you died last night!" Ouch. I've been told several times that death dreams mean new life and new beginning. At least that's a positive spin on something so dark. I went ahead and told my sister about it. She said she could tell something was bothering me. It was evident I was very tired today. I hate restless sleep. It defeats the purpose of even going to bed.

I could go on and on about different dreams I've had. There's the jumbled, discombobulated type where you remember it but it's so screwed up that you can't put it into words, then there's the very vivid dreams as I had last night, and of course, nights when you don't even remember dreams. Honestly, I have to say that I'm glad I dream the way I do. With the imagination I have, it's only right for my mind to let loose like that. I guess that's the way it vents and prepares for the next day.

"Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives." ~William Dement

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Burst of Energy

Today was my first day back in class after spring break. On days I'm in class I pretty much work out all day. I love it. Today was amazing. I was full of energy and had good workouts in all classes. We started volleyball today in my basketball/volleyball class. While I am a basketball fanatic, I was glad to start volleyball and have a change of pace in things. My arms are definitely not used to volleyball anymore. It's been YEARS since I've played. So tonight, my arms are bruised and red from it. It's a blast though. Even yoga went well, and I'm not much of a yoga fan.

Anyway, when I got home I still had tons of energy. I went for a walk and then remembered I had some yard work to do, so I did that as well. When I finally sat down for the evening my body was saying "Woman, chill out and STOP!" LOL. I could probably go to bed right now, but it's a good kind of tired. I love this feeling.

The bad part of all of this is that I didn't get any writing done like I was hoping. I could try to after this blog, but I highly doubt I'll write anything worth keeping. I still have a ton of ideas that I am tossing back and forth in my brain. Maybe eventually I'll get it organized enough and use those spurts of energy for my writing.... it's just hard to pass up a chance to go outside when the weather has been so great. We look like a bunch of moles peeking out of our holes with the sunshine. After the winter we've had, bring on as much sunlight as possible!!

“The energy of the mind is the essence of life.” ~ Aristotle

Monday, March 22, 2010

Just A Day

Today was just a normal day. Got a lot of homework done, went for a jog and enjoyed this beautiful spring day. I didn't get any writing done, but on my jog I did think up some things I could do with my story. Now if I can translate those thoughts down into words it would be great. I'm going to try and write some tomorrow when I get out of class. We'll see, sometimes my brain is shot after working out from 8AM to 215PM. Damn, I love it.

I registered for a 5K race for MOPS and Casa kids today. It's April 10th, so wish me luck!

http://www.active.com/running/lubbock-tx/tech-theta-speak-up-for-kids-casa-5k-2010

Not much else to really blog about. I'll hold back all complaints and whines for another time. I don't want to go to bed frustrated! :)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I Am The Warrior!

...I've had that song in my head all day today. I was surprised when I discovered I didn't even have it on my iPod, so I of course had to purchase it. Play count is like 20 for the day. LOL.

Today was pretty good. I went to church this morning and the sermon totally rang true. I love when God is right on cue with things going on in your life. He knows what you need to hear. Just amazing. The sermon was about taking things one day at a time. Don't worry about what if's and could have's. All of that anxiety boils up and half the time the stuff you worry about doesn't even happen. All of that turmoil for nothing.

The sermon was perfect also, in the sense that the democrats passed the health care bill today. I'm not going to talk about politics much since it's a very sensitive subject, but it has me worried. They are requiring us to get health care. Of course, this doesn't take effect until 2014, but by my calculations that's coming fast. We have time to plan, but dang it, I can't afford it. I highly doubt I can afford it then either. Even if I could afford it I'm pretty upset about it. How is it freedom when they are now telling us we HAVE to get health insurance? If they're willing to pay for me I'd gladly accept, but they're NOT. I understand why they require car insurance. That's a given. It's to protect the people we can possibly hurt in wrecks. Health care is different. What are they going to take away next? I mean, seriously, where do we draw the line?

(deep sigh)

Today was a good day. At least we have some time to think about what we're going to do before 2014 gets here. I got a TON of writing done. Three writing sessions, all around 1500 words. My goal was to write a lot over spring break. Finally did on the very last day! :-P

Tomorrow it's time to get back in the routine of work/school/homework. Can I get some inspiration?? :-P

Friday, March 19, 2010

Defiant Muse

I think I found the basis of my problem with my writer's block and my muse. To inspire my muse to inspire ME (woah, that's a vicious circle) is to allow it to know that someone is waiting to read what was just written. Usually I write for a little while with a friend over the computer and we exchange and read each other's stuff. I think that is what inspires me to write more. I like the idea of someone reading it as well as getting to read someone else's work when our writing session is done for the evening (especially when said writer is amazing at what she does and I can't wait to see what happens with her stuff.)

Tonight I made a goal to do some writing on my own. I wanted to get a lot of writing done over spring break and well, today is the last day of spring break. :( I got about 450 words jotted down so far. I plan on doing a tad bit more before calling it a night, I just felt the urge to blog some before getting back to the novel. Sometimes blogging opens up the creative juices.

This is a total change of subject because my brain is random, but I had a heck of a time trying to get my new cell phone today. I went into the Verizon store right after work. They were busy as usual so I checked in and waited on my name to be called. Before today I was told by THREE, count them...THREE customer service reps that I qualified for an upgrade today. They tell me that it's not until the 22nd. You talk about seeing red. I've had to jump through so many hoops since Alltel switched to Verizon. I finally threatened to cancel my contract and they were like no no, we can get you an upgrade. You're dang right you will. I'm done jumping through hoops. I NEVER had a problem with Alltel. GRRR, they always have to change good things.

Anyway, I got a phone that I'm totally enjoying so far. It's an LG Chocolate touch. I used to never think I'd like touch screens but ever since I got my iPod touch I love them.



It's finally the weekend. We're going to the Texas Tech basketball game tomorrow. It's the second round of the NIT tournament. Go Red Raiders! Here's hoping the snow scheduled for tonight won't be too intense. I can hear the wind howling outside. On March 19th. When did Texas become the new Alaska? LOL

Quote of the Day: "The best antidote to writer's block is ... to write." ~ Henriette Anne Klauser

Thursday, March 18, 2010

This Is The Day That Never Ends!

So... I woke up this morning in a damn good mood. Got up at 6:00 for once and actually got ready, rather than throwing my hair in a pony tail at the last second. I stopped off and got my UNsweet tea that totally makes my day. And then the crap hit the fan the moment I walked in the door at work at 7:00. "Can you intake Sally's kids, both her and her aide called in sick?" Oh joy.... oh bliss.... Come to think of it, I think there was a total of about nine call in's today... and it's spring break so we're already short handed as it is...

Long story short...I ended up staying until 5:00 this evening...NO lunch break...NO 15 minute break..nada zippo zilch. And to put the cherry on a fantastic day... the girl (that's putting it mildly) that came in at 12:30 in the class next door thought it was HORRIBLE that my aide and I got to leave before her. How dare her work more than three hours in a day? Didn't even get so much as a thank you from the bosses either. I could have said no, I couldn't stay and forced them to find my relief, but I didn't want to make waves on an already hectic day.

I did come home to see that NBC posted a link for Friday Night Lights hilighting "The Best of Eric Taylor." I'm glad to see him getting some recognition in a show that has had to fight for it's life since the very first day.

http://www.nbc.com/friday-night-lights/video/clips/the-best-of-coach-taylor/1210207/

Here's hoping I'll actually get to leave at my scheduled time tomorrow.... And thank GOD it's Friday! Hopefully by this time tomorrow night I'll have a brand new phone too. The one I have is about to die, I think it just signed some DNR papers.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Just Like A Woman...

....I keep changing my mind! I think I totally missed my calling. Well, maybe I didn't, because I know coaching is in me and sports are all I've ever known, but I had an epiphany.

There's a new show on TLC called "Addicted." Its season premiere was tonight. I'm DVRing it so I can watch it in full detail later. Anyway, I've always been completely fascinated by drugs and addiction. Let me clarify before you think the wrong thing! (LOL) I'm not fascinated about actually taking drugs; I'm interested in the aspects of addiction and how all of that works. In my life I've had a few friends fall victim to things of this nature. So bad have I wanted to help. I've read books about athletes overcoming addiction. Josh Hamilton's book, "Beyond Belief" is an excellent read for anyone. It's about his struggle with cocaine addiction and life in general. It's an inspiration for everyone, not just drug addicts.

I've studied drugs. I've learned about what kind of high they give people. I've learned about drug testing and long term effects. Not just illegal drugs, but prescription drugs that tend to get abused. I'm pretty knowledgeable in this subject, and for me, that's great. I'm not that smart in many things, so when I find something that can actually hold my attention for a few minutes, I latch onto it.

I think I would like to be a drug/alcohol counselor. With the degree I'm getting, I can do that. As a coach I will more than likely come into contact with athletes who might be abusing particular drugs. I like how it will overlap into each other. I would say that I'll change my major again but NO WAY. I've done that too much already, hence why that's one of the reasons it has taken me as long as I have.

Sometimes I wish I could get several degrees at once and have many options in a career. Life would be perfect, especially for someone like me who just can't decide what they want to be when they grow up. ;-)

Quote of the Day: “You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living until the escape becomes the habit.” ~ David Ryan

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Random Musings

It's pretty sad when I even have writer's block for my blog. And to think, my goal over spring break was to get a lot of writing done and I have yet to accomplish anything. The week is almost half over! >:(

I did however, get two things accomplished today that aren't related to literature. I found a possible dress for the Friday Night Lights screening I am going to in April (yay), and I mastered a yoga pose that I just could not, for the life of me, accomplish. (double yay) It's a shoulder stand and plow. Here are the pics of how it looks:



The first one is a shoulder stand and the second is a plow. If you would've said I could do that in December I would've laughed in your face. I'm glad to finally see some results after all of this working out I've been doing.

Tomorrow after work, my goal is to sit down and get some writing done!! My muse better cooperate, it seems like the only time I get the inspiration to write is when I -have- to get homework done. When there's no other distractions and I have free time there's no challenge I guess.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Insert Title Here

Okay, I don't have a good title for this particular blog entry. It's totally random and in no means is it going to make a lot of sense...that is, unless you are in my crazy head where even I have a hard time understanding what I conjure up in the deep realms of my pea brain.

Yesterday I was at my grandma's house visiting family. She has a bulletin board where she posts up random things from time to time. I was sifting through it and came across an obituary. The last name was extremely familiar and in no means common so of course, it peaked my curiosity and I read the entire clipping. Come to find out, it was a fallen soldier who died in Iraq in 2008. He is the dad of a child in my class. The poor kid never got to meet his father, he passed away before he was born. He was even listed in the section of family survived by the departed. Labeled as "unborn son" and then listed his name. There was absolutely no coincidence. The names are far too rare. So of course I was like, Mema, what in the world are you doing with this obituary? He was a graduate of a high school in this area and she keeps those to see if any of us know who they are. It just never got taken down off of the bulletin board. EERIE! It goes to show that this is definitely a small world.

On a lighter note, I had fun seeing family this weekend. They are leaving tomorrow morning. There was of course the usual bickering and fighting that people do when too much time is spent together, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Also, I'm not sure when the rain started last night but when I got up this morning it was pouring...at 6:15AM....and it hasn't stopped and it is now 9:50PM. It was mixed with snow at some points and there's a light blanket of the white CRAP across the ground, but it will be gone by morning. At least all that rain didn't turn to snow earlier or we'd be in some bad trouble.

Don't forget to wear green on Wednesday! I'm on the pinch patrol and I'll getcha!

~~~~ModernDayDrifter~~~~
Quote of the Day: “A coincidence is when God performs a miracle and decides to remain anonymous.”

Sunday, March 14, 2010

A Circus Performer In The Making

After I wrote my blog on Friday night I checked my school email. I recently applied for federal aide to pay for school. I qualified for the 09-10 school year and got it with no problem. All of my schooling in the past year was free. The grant covered it all. I have two more semesters to go for the 10-11 school year and I figured, no big deal. I'll get another grant or some form of aide to finish up at South Plains College. I even did good and finished my FAFSA early...the sooner you submit the more money you tend to get.

Friday I signed in to check my status. Talk about a mood killer. They are putting me on financial aide suspension because I'm going to exceed 105 credit hours once this semester is over. They don't aide in anything over 105 hours. I can file an appeal and let them know that I've changed my major twice, hence why I have extra classes I don't need to graduate with. It's worth a shot, but I'm just so tired of jumping through hoops to get done with school. When I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel it's quickly darkened by something else I have to take care of before I can get that degree.

All I can do is try to appeal it. If that doesn't work I've got to find an alternate way to come up with that last bit of money to be done before I transfer to get my Bachelor's. Wish me luck!

Friday, March 12, 2010

In A Nutshell...

...my day was pretty good. Work was easy, we had four kids in class so I got to leave around 1:00. That was a shock since I was expecting to have to stay until we were in ratio, which is usually around 4:30. Little did I know we were in ratio all day! :) Funny how that works out.

My cousins got here safely from Granbury. I have an aunt coming in from Guymon tomorrow. I can't wait to hang out with everyone. I saw my cousins for a little bit this evening. I feel like I'm being pulled in 30 different directions but that's okay. It's better than being bored I guess. Dad wants to play golf tomorrow but I think we'll have to postpone that with all of the family that's in town.

As of right now I'm ready to pass out. Though my day was "easy" I'm still ready to crash and sleep late tomorrow! :) Time for some much needed sleepy time.

~~~~ModernDayDrifter~~~~
Quote of the Day: "I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake." ~ Hemingway

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Hello...Hello...I'm At A Place Called Vertigo

I've had the case of the dizzies today. And I had class. Let's just say yoga and having vertigo is not fun, especially when I can't even do the balancing poses well to begin with, much less when my world is turned upside down. I'm not sure why I've been dizzy but I'm definitely going to call it an early night and get to bed.

On that note, it's officially spring break. I completed my last assignments for my online classes and had my last day of classes in Levelland for the week. Though I have to work, it's safe to say I'm looking forward to not having homework for a few days. That'll be a nice break.

It also snowed today but didn't stick, thank goodness. I think I've heard Lubbock weather referred to as "bipolar weather" by about fifteen people today. It gives this part of Texas character and honestly, I love it. What fun is it to know exactly what the weather is going to do at all times? Though I do get frustrated, I don't think I'd want it any other way. I hate the cold but I think we're on the home stretch and it will soon be in the past. Here come the spring winds!

Have a good evenin'. Tomorrow is FRIDAY! :) Got lots of family coming into town this weekend. My cousins are coming up from Granbury and I have an aunt coming down from Guymon, OK. I can't wait to see everybody.

~~~~ModernDayDrifter~~~~
Quote of the Day: Good things fall apart so that better things will fall together.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

They're Coming To Take Me Away..Ho-Ho..Hee-Hee..Ha-Haaa

So, my day started out around 6:00 this morning. I got my butt out of bed when I should since today was picture day at work. I even fixed my hair instead of throwing it up in a pony tail like I usually do. Despite the fact that I got up "early" I still found myself running late. Pictures went okay. Only four out of the seven that showed up got individuals and the only boy in class wouldn't cooperate. I'm not sure how the group picture is going to turn out. I hate pictures of myself so I'm sure I won't be happy with how I look in it.

I've been feeling like a mouse in a maze lately. Where's the cheese at the end of it? Oh wait, I have yet to find my way out of it yet! I've been a victim of intense homework lately. Spring break can't come soon enough. Hurry UP next week! I know I'll be working my butt off at work but at least I'll be homework free. In the midst of that defiant attitude, I didn't do any homework tonight either. Instead I decided to delve into my second novel in the works. I wrote over 1,200 words, yay me, and finally moved the plot along a little. I felt like it has been stuck in a rut the past few weeks so tonight was a good step forward with it. I seriously need to make an outline for it!

As for feeling like a mouse in a maze, I just feel like I'm losing my mind lately! I have moments of intense happiness followed by moments of sadness. I run myself ragged all week and Saturday and Sunday just isn't enough time to recover from the five days of insanity. If I'm not at work dealing with the high school drama I'm home dealing with things that won't be mentioned. When I get home from work or school relaxing is just out of the question. I sit and wonder about what I have to get done. Homework, chores, and oh joy, the mowing and yard work is soon to begin. Don't get me wrong, I love spring time when everything starts to bloom.... excuse me while I sneeze... gotta love those allergies... but it sure beats the heck out of winter time. I'll take the sneezing and watery eyes along with the blooming trees over a cold blast of air any day. I can't wait for the second week of May when classes are over. Ah, summer, you're on the distant horizon! You're so close yet so far away!

I can't wait for the weather to stay warm instead of fluctuating. Tomorrow it's supposed to be in the 40's again after several days of 70+ weather. I need to shake off these winter blues! It's amazing how the sun gives people so much energy. Call me crazy, but I'm one of the few who ENJOYS the time change coming up this weekend! Granted, we do lose an hour of sleep but that's a small sacrifice considering the fact that the sun will eventually start going down at dang near 10:00 every night! Hello, here's to MORE energy and MORE time outside! I love to be outside!

There's so much to look forward to coming up in the next few months. Maybe my drastic mood changes are part of it. While I do have some good things coming up, stress comes with the territory. It's nothing I can't handle....BRING IT ON!

~~~~ModernDayDrifter~~~~
Quote of the Day: "I wonder, is it better to live as a monster, or die a good man?" ~ Leonardo DiCaprio; Shutter Island